Cringe Art Online
by DevolveHumanity
Summary: Sword Art Online, the ultimate MMO with the ultimate price for failure, death. Players must fight their way, tooth and nail, through dark, gloomy dungeons facing a variety of horrific enemies, but all hope isn't lost there are a few brave players willing to fight to the end. Unfortunately, we are not one of those few. Buckle in for failure, social rejection, and severe weabooism.
1. Chapter 1: Well Fuck

Chapter 1: Well Fuck...

Today was finally the day. The day the new MMO Sword Art Online was released with the new VR, the nerve-gear. I camped out in line for an entire day just to be one of the first ones to get a copy. Now was the time to finally put the helmet on and immerse myself in this massive new world of adventure.

I spent a couple of minutes creating my avatar and my username. I ended up deciding on the name Mari Tsu. My character had long black hair. Her left eye was blue while her right eye was hazel and her skin tone was pleasantly fair. I couldn't use a katana right away as I had to earn that skill set, but I planned on using it as soon as I could.

I always had a respect for the history and culture of Japan growing up. My peers never seemed to understand and would often pick on me, but it would be different now. Now that I live in Japan my dream has finally been realized and within this world nobody will have to know about my true origins.

As I opened my eyes I was stunned by how realistic the world of SAO truly was. I quickly decided that the best course of action, like with most MMOs, was to see if I could find a quest in a town to start earning some money to better equip myself. Luckily, there was a town right in front of me not far off.

I entered and started to look around at the various shops and other buildings of interest. What hit me right away was all the kanji on the signs of the buildings. Without being able to read them I had no idea where the hell I was going. After silently cursing the developers for not putting in subtitles, I decided to try to ask someone for directions, but to no avail. Everyone here only spoke Japanese. It seems what I taught myself using Rosetta Stone wasn't quite enough to actually interact. All I could really say was hello and a few random situational phrases. I quickly began to freak out. This was not working the way I thought it would at all! The thought of not being able to interact with anyone even in a video game was eating at me. I've had this issue in real life, but not where I actually physically can't interact!

As I began to really freak out one of the developers sends me a message directly notifying me that a language recognition program was in the process of being developed and had been delayed. It was now available and running. While I was now able to understand what the people around me were saying, I noticed that the kanji on the buildings had not changed. I guess it was just something I would have to get used to.

As I began to wander some more I was suddenly stopped and engulfed in a blue flame. I next found myself in the center of the town where the game's creator, floating godlike in the sky, introduced himself and stated that nobody could log off of SAO until the game is beaten. And the most terrifying part of it all, if your HP reaches zero you will die outside the nerve-gear as well. I ,along with everyone else, stared in stunned silence. Before he left he had a parting "gift" for us. It was a mirror. I looked into the mirror, confused, and was immediately blinded by a light. When I opened my eyes everyone around me appeared different. It took me a moment to realize that the mirror had revealed everybody's true self. The jig was up. Now everybody would know my true background as an American. A foul scent suddenly struck my nose as I looked down and the realization hit that I was now standing in the center of town with over a thousand people in soiled women's clothing. Well fuck...


	2. Chapter 2: The Cool Breeze

Chapter 2: The Cool Breeze

It's been an entire month since we've been trapped in this hell. I don't know how I have survived this long. 2,000 have already died and we haven't even beat the first floor boss yet. I heard there was going to be a big meeting today. Supposedly some players organized a group to try to strategize how to beat the boss. Screw that! I'm not going to go get slaughtered by some pixelated nightmare! It's hopeless anyway. Might as well live some kind of semblance of a good life here while I have it.

Besides, I've been so scared of leaving the town of beginnings that I only leave when I absolutely have to get gold for my room in the inn. When I say room, it's more like a broom closet than anything, but it's better than dying in that wasteland outside the safety of the town. Anyway, because I've been so reluctant to leave town I've found myself a bit… underpowered compared to some of the other players. That would be fine if I had any other skills such as blacksmithing or something I could make gold from nonviolently, but so far I only have the basic sword skills given to players upon creation. Needless to say, at the meager level of 4 I don't think the team clearing the boss would have much need for me anyway. In fact, they definitely would have no need for me. I'm pretty sure I've seen farmers that are a higher level than that. So for my future safety I found it prudent to attempt to train fighting against some simple enemies out in the fields for today.

As I leave the town of beginnings I accidently bump into a very large figure.

"Excuse me," he says in a deep voice.

"G-gomenasai!" I blurt out, my voice cracking. The large, dark skinned man gave me a puzzled expression, but then shrugged it off and continued on his way.

That was a close one. If there's one thing that us players learned since this game started is that you can't completely trust anybody. This game, it changes people and sometimes not for the better. Even though this is a safe zone there are still players who like to beat on the weak for sport. Like I said it's only been a month since this death game started and while we now possess the beginnings of a law enforcement type of system, we still get the occasional missing player or two. Earlier on, a lot of people died in the field, but now most either die inside the dungeons or from some of the many sadistic traps in this game.

As I step out into the grassy fields I enjoy the simulated breeze. For a nightmare from hell this game is a fairly accurate simulation of reality, so naturally some of the good elements got simulated as well. I think about what it would be like to be one of the people fighting the first floor boss. The honor of battle. My thoughts are interrupted by a clanking sound. I trip and fall flat on my face. As I spit out the oddly well simulated tasting dirt from my mouth, I see a boar charging from the distance. I look at my foot and notice it's stuck inside a bear trap! The trap normally wouldn't do that much damage as it's just used as a snaring effect, but it seems the trap was coated in some moderately potent poison. At my low level this can be troubling, but what really makes it troubling is the boar that will be upon me any minute! By then my hit points will be too low to fight back. I always keep at least one antidote crystal in case this situation ever popped up, but my absent mindedness made me forget it today! As I struggle with the trap trying to undo it I notice the boar getting closer and I start to panic. The more I panic the harder it gets to get the trap off. Just as the boar is about to be upon me, the trap jerks open and I scramble free. As I watch my death approach, a feeling of shame washes over me. I'm about to be killed by a ferocious pork chop. I close my eyes and accept my pitiful fate, but after a few seconds of nothing I reopen them. A large shadow is cast upon me, but not of the boar. It is of a person. My rescuer turns around and I get a better look at them. It's the same man I bumped into earlier. My stupid curiosity of why he followed me here is interrupted by him shouting at me.

"What are you doing standing there gawking?! Take this!" he shouts at me, holding out a healing item.

I remembered now that I was poisoned and that I was just seconds away from biting the dust. I quickly grabbed the item, fumbling as I did so and used it to restore some of my hit points.

"Sorry I don't have an antidote for you, I didn't think I was going to do any leveling today, but we have a boss raid tomorrow so I was planning on polishing some of my skills," he told me.

"It's fine…" I replied.

"What were you doing out here anyway? Didn't you get the player guide that tells you where all the traps are near the town? Even if you didn't they're only meant to take out stragglers who get too close, anyone with any kind of awareness would easily spot them," he added.

"Hah-ha, yeah…" I laughed nervously. "I suppose I forgot."

I start to try to make my way back to the town. I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. I'm just not cut out for this kind of stuff. Let someone strong like that guy do it.

"Wait!" the man shouted at me as I walked away. "What's your name?"

As I opened my mouth to reply it occurred to me that my screen name was still what I named myself when I made my avatar.

"Daniel…" I muttered.

"Daniel?" he said confused, looking at the name above my head.

"It's my OC…" I said with my head cast down, defeated.

"Well either way, you can call me Agil," he said.

"Thanks for uhhh… saving my life and all, but I gotta go. I left my only antidote at home and I think one near death experience is my limit for the day," I said, continuing on my way.

I got back home to the safety of my glorified broom closet and used the antidote crystal to remove the poison before it could harm me further. After who knows how many hours of crying and imagining the broom I was hugging was my favorite waifu, I finally gathered what little self-confidence I had left and set out once more to try to level. This time I didn't let nature distract me and I avoided the traps. Once in the field I fought a series of low level creatures. Most of them I was barely able to defeat. I had to use a hit and run technique so I didn't freak out thinking I was going to die like I almost did earlier. I was able to gain a level or two. It was a lot more than I would gain on normal circumstances so I couldn't complain too much.


End file.
